


"we're not in kansas anymore" except kansas is the dream smp server

by summer_rising (orphan_account)



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), The Umbrella Academy (TV), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (for MCYT), (for TUA), Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Crossover, Dimension Swap, Dimension Travel, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, JK... blease read this im putting a lot of effort into converting mc mechanics, Not Beta Read, Pogtopia, Post-Election, Post-Season/Series 02, Pre-Festival, SEE THATS THE GREAT THING ABOUT CROSSOVERS, U CAN USE MULTIPLE NO BETA WE DIE LIKE X TAGS, basically... this is just completely self indulgent, everyone else.... ur on this ice. u may read :eye: :eye:, i am writing this for me and me only bitches!!!, into the normal universal standards of physics, many thoughts head full, no beta we die like ben, no beta we die like tubbo, universe swap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27161140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/summer_rising
Summary: The little mousy girl from before- (Vanya, Tommy's mind supplied)- was the one to finally settle things for the moment. She took a deep breath, shook out her hands, and said, voice above all of theirs despite its slight shake, "Let's just take them to a hotel, guys. This is probably just some weird, giant misunderstanding, no need for threats from either parties." She turned to her siblings, continuing a little bit softer, "Did you ever even consider that, maybe, they're like us?"That brought them pause. Tommy didn't know what the fuck it meant, but it got everyone to simmer down, so he appreciated it nonetheless.//I'm just... a sucker for crossovers, man. This is completely self-indulgent. Dream SMP and Pogtopia accidentally dimension swap into the TUA timeline. That's it, that's the whole fic, complete with sword-based threats, Pogtopia finally getting a shower, and the Dream Team robbing a jewelry store. What more is there to want!
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), its siblings and friends why would you ship...... smh my head
Comments: 53
Kudos: 198





	"we're not in kansas anymore" except kansas is the dream smp server

**Author's Note:**

> LMAO HI... IT MIGHT BE A BAD IDEA FOR ME TO POST THIS.... (tommy voice) BUTIMGONNADOITANYWAYS  
> this was written at various points late at night over a period of about 2 weeks so my apologies for any changes in style or flow!!
> 
> canon-typical warning apply to this fic (swearing, violence, blood, etc, stuff that appears in the actual content), so there arent any specific cws for me to add this time around!!
> 
> this is not written ahead of time, i write it as motivation and/or inspiration hits, so updates may be sporadic,, who ops. it is vaguely outlined though, so i'll at least sorta know where i'm going with it!!!

They weren’t where they were supposed to be.

A rather obvious statement, all things considered. Tommy, Wilbur, Techno, and Tubbo had crossed through the Dream SMP Nether Portal expecting to end up in, well, the Nether hub. The Ender beings had other things in mind for them, it seemed, because while this place  _ was  _ hard to breathe in and dangerously loud, it was most definitely  _ not the Nether _ .

They were in an alleyway, Tommy was pretty sure. It was dark, dingy, and smelled like shit, so he was probably right. Tubbo was wrapped around his arm, which Tommy tried and failed to not find comforting, staring out at the blurs of color speeding past outside. Wilbur and Techno were a little ways back arguing with each other in hushed whispers, Techno’s hand resting openly on the blade at his hip. The grey walls and dim, slightly threatening atmosphere, in all honesty, reminded Tommy of Quackity’s disconnected alley that they had tried to sell Ninja drugs in. Ah, good times.

“Nether looks pretty fuckin’ different today,” Tommy muttered under his breath into Tubbo’s ear. The shorter boy chuckled nervously and nodded, but didn’t reply.

“Tommy, Tubbo!” Wilbur called, waving his hand a bit, “Get over here! We’re gonna try and find out where the nearest portal is, our coords are all kinds of fucked up. We might need to call someone if we can’t find one.”

Tommy trailed after Tubbo, the two joining Wilbur’s side, the man’s foot nervously tapping the ground as he flicked his gaze from place to place. “We don’t know what the area’s like,” Wilbur continued, “So have your hotbars ready. Armor off, though. Don’t want anyone to think we’re engaging.”

“Already way ahead of you,” Techno replied, wiggling his ring-covered fingers in Wilbur’s face. Wilbur scoffed and pushed him away, though he was clearly struggling not to smile.

With a flick of his wrist, Tommy pulled up his inventory, scanning over it and sliding his fingers across when needed to get everything where he wanted it. Sword, axe, crossbow, helmet, chestplate, leggings, boots, a stack of cobblestone, a stack of potatoes. His shield was immediately above his hotbar in easy reach, he had about forty or so arrows towards the top… He felt as ready as he could be in a place where the only variables he could count on were within three feet of him. His necklace clinked as the charms swapped themselves out. He heard Tubbo’s doing the same.

“Everybody ready?” Wilbur asked as soon as Tommy pulled his inventory back down and out of sight. Techno grunted, Tommy nodded, and Tubbo made a vague noise of affirmation. Wilbur took in a long breath, shook out his hands, and turned to the exit of the alley. "Well, let's get going, then."

//

It didn't take long for Wilbur to bring their exploratory walk to an end. He stopped moving, spun on his heel to face them, and announced, "We're very, very lost."

"No, really? What gave you  _ that  _ idea?" Techno griped, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder at the bajillionth person staring at him as they passed. His ear flicked in unconcealed annoyance. "Even the people on the Dream SMP didn't stare at me this hard. These people act like they ain't ever seen a piglin before."

"Maybe they haven't!" Tubbo piped in, "Maybe the Nether's disabled here. Wait, is that even an option?"

"If Nether was disabled, we probably wouldn't've been able to get here in the first place…" Wilbur muttered. "But, on the other hand, that may be why we ended up here instead of the Nether… Mm…" Whatever he was about to say next was cut off as a woman rather roughly shoved him aside by a knock of the shoulders, grumbling about him being in the way as she passed by. Wilbur's face scrunched up in annoyance. 

"We should try and find a place to stay."

"Ooh, do you think we could stay in an inn? I haven't been in one of those in  _ forever _ , it's always either a house or a cave!"

"I would also like to stay in an inn." It was the first time Tommy had spoken in a while. Wilbur, a little surprised at both how long Tommy had stayed quiet and the fact that he spoke, shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pocket.

"An inn it is then. Anyone got any valuables on them they could trade for rooms?"

"I have a couple of diamonds in my inventory, actually! I forgot to put them in my Ender Chest before we left!"

"Tubbo, man, you're just our savior right now, aren't you?" Wilbur teased. "How many do you have?"

Tubbo furrowed his brows in thought as Wilbur tugged them all along to try and stay out of the way of the crowd. "About… Seven, I think-"

He stopped talking as he slammed chest-first into a woman's torso with a little  _ "Oof!" _ . Tommy "Pah- _ hah _ !" ed at that, grabbing his friend by the back of the collar (his suit jacket had been tied around his waist) and pulling him away. 

"So sorry!" Tubbo squeaked, "I wasn't looking where I was going, that's my fault-"

"It's alright!" The woman chirped, prompting Tubbo to glance up and smile awkwardly at her.

"Tubbo, you good, man?" Wilbur asked as he looped around from where he had walked off. Techno trailed right behind him, jaw clenched as he watched the passing crowds hawkishly. He always said less was better when it came to people- The bigger the crowd, the more chances for you to get attacked by a stranger or for someone to disappear.

"Oh, is this your dad?" The woman asked. She then blinked a couple times in clear confusion when Tommy bent over double and began to laugh uncontrollably. 

"Dadbur confirmed?" Techno muttered. Wilbur swatted him on the back of the head. "Shut the fuck up, Techno, you said yourself that Tommy's the annoying little brother."

"Yeah, Techno," Tubbo joined in, "Besides, Wilbur already has a son! Fundy the Furry!" He started to giggle along with Tommy the more he spoke, which only made Tommy louder. Wilbur scowled without any heat and turned to the woman.

"I'm very sorry for their behavior, ma'am," He said, shooting Tommy a withering look, "And I apologize for bothering you more, but- Would you happen to know of anywhere that could room us for the night?"

"Oh, God, ma'am makes me feel so old- Let me introduce myself, my name is Allison." She stuck out her hand for him to shake, which he accepted with ease.

"President Wilbur Soot," He replied on instinct, only to see Technoblade wince, "Er- Ignore the president bit. Just Wilbur is fine."

"President, huh?" Allison asked with a raise of her eyebrow, dropping his hand, "I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you guys are in costume right now?"

"Totally," Techno rumbled. It was sarcasm, the ones who knew him could tell, but to a stranger, it probably just sounded like his regular voice.

"Oh, cool! Is it for cosplay, or are you guys working on a film project? And yes, I do know a place, but it's a ways away, I wouldn't wanna confuse with directions- I can show you to it, but we'd have to wait on my brother to get out of the store over there, you cool with waiting a bit?"

"We have all the time in the world," Tommy interjected before Wilbur could speak. Tubbo and Wilbur both gave him confused looks, but he didn't look either of them in the eyes, he just kept staring Allison down. 

"Alright then, let’s just hope Luther can be quick this time around- He does have my sister Vanya with him, though, so it probably won’t take long.” Something had clicked in Tommy’s mind as he watched his friends and the stranger interact- She was watching them. Examining. She dropped the names too freely, spoke a little too loosely. Apparently, they were supposed to know those names, put something together, but since he didn’t know what they would be known for just yet, he wasn’t about to risk making a stab in the dark.

“Cool! And to answer that first bit- We’re working on a story thing with our friends and feel that getting into costume helps with character, even though no-one’s gonna see it.” Imply that they’re faceless, get away with not being known, and in case L’Manburg is actually somewhat relevant, they have something to fall back on.  _ See, Wilbur, you bitch, I’m not THAT thoughtless!  _ Tommy couldn’t help but grin at that thought as he shoved his hands into his pockets. His necklace bumped against his bare throat, sending a flash of reassurance across him.

Worst comes to worst, he can just start stabbin’ shit.

“Oh? What’s it called? I might know about it!” Another test.

“My L’manburg.”

Tommy looked away from Allison for the first time to glance at Wilbur, who was staring right back at him. “It’s called My L’manburg,” Wilbur repeated, softer this time. Tommy shot him a wide grin. Good on him for catching on.

Whatever Allison was going to try and grill them with next was lost to a call of “Hey, Allison! We found that thing you wanted!”

The man who yelled it immediately made Tommy think  _ Iron Golem _ . He was tall, with huge, broad shoulders, a thickset torso atop small legs, and seemed to have the same delicate hold that the Golems usually did on the flowers they liked to exchange with the village kids. There was a woman next to him that immediately made Tommy think  _ small _ even though she wasn’t particularly little. She gave the stranger (who Tommy assumed to be Allison’s brother, Luther, making her a likely candidate for the sister, Vanya) a weary, awkward smile, like she really wanted him to shut up but would never say that out loud. They slowly picked their way across the crowd, albeit Luther with a lot more effort than Vanya.

“Those your siblings?” Techno asked. Tommy knew that if his boar mask was off, his eyebrows would’ve been raised in a very judgemental look. He also knew that the tusks and pig nose would be a bit hard to explain as just a costume, so perhaps the mask was for the best at the moment.

“Unfortunately,” Allison muttered as she waved them over. Wilbur snorted.  _ I feel that in my soul _ , he mouthed very openly to Techno. The pigman cackled a bit and swiveled to face Tommy, who was  _ definitely  _ not pouting. He was far too mature for that. He only stuck his lip out because the top one felt a little dry, that was all.

“Don’t listen to Wilbur! He just says that stuff because he knows I’d be the cooler brother.” Tubbo flashed Tommy a wide smile that looked a little predatory, in the taller boy’s opinion. Freaky.

“Savior Tubbo comes to the rescue yet again,” Tommy snickered as Wilbur let out a faux offended gasp.

“Tubbus… Jeebo?”

Now wasn’t  _ that  _ a great way to make a first impression. Evidently, that was the first thing the two newcomers heard from the group, if the furrowed brows were anything to go by.

“What’s up, Allison?” Vanya whispered, casting them a wary glance. Techno did his usual wave and “Hullo.” Wilbur gave them a sheepish smile and a little two-finger salute. Tommy nodded, hoping it looked cool. Tubbo, the most social of them all, waved back and forth and let out a little “Hi!!”

“Uh… hi?” It sounded more like a question than a greeting and Vanya tried for a smile. Tubbo took it in stride, brightening up like a freshly watered flower.

“Hey,” Wilbur greeted, Tommy getting to watch in real-time as his usual mask of “cool, calm, collected” slipped on, “It’s good to meet you two as well. We were just talking with your sister here about places nearby that we might be able to get a room at. New around this area and all.” He shook Vanya’s hand first, as she was closest, and then Luther’s, who looked incredibly lost at the moment, a little paper bag clutched in his other hand.

“Yeah, same to you,” Luther mumbled. “Uh… What’re your names? And… the costumes?”

“I’m Wilbur Soot, and these are my…” He trailed off for a moment. Tommy frowned a bit as well. What  _ were  _ they to Wilbur, really? Siblings? Friends? Accomplices? Wartime buddies? “...These are my brothers. Tommy, Tubbo, and Techno.”

“Lots of Ts,” Luther mumbled. It was unclear if it was a joke or not, but Techno snickered anyways. 

“Tommy,” Tubbo not-whispered, face scrunched up in thought, “Seriously, man, I can’t figure it out. If I were Jesus, would it be Tubbus or Jeebo?”

“Tebus,” Tommy replied automaticaly. Tubbo gasped and brightened up, eyes shining. “Oh my God, you’re right, Tebus! Why didn’t I think of that!”

“Yeahh, that’s right, I’m the brains here!”

“Sorry about them,” Wilbur said with a weary smile, “They can’t ever pick up on social cues or proper timing.” 

Techno snickered again. “You gotta admit, Wil, that’s partly your fault, you are the older brother here-”

“Yeah, but I’m not Mr. Dadza, am I,  _ Techno _ ? Not my fault at all, no way, man, nope-”

“You guys wanna find a hotel or not?” Allison cut in, eyebrows high with amusement. Tommy bristled a bit at first, but quickly realized it was meant to be a joke to stop things from getting out of hand. 

“Oh, yeah, definitely,” Wilbur agreed, “Tubbo, you got the diamonds?”

“I should, yeah, lemme check real quick!” A twitch of the fingers, and  _ voila _ , Tubbo’s inventory was pulled up. Allison startled,  _ hard _ , eyes blown wide as she took a step back. Her siblings were not much different- Luther was staring unabashedly and Vanya was blinking rapidly, like it would go away if she did it enough. Tubbo looked rather nervous under their gazes.

“...I do in fact have the diamonds,” He squeaked out, pulling out all seven of them to flash at Wilbur before placing them right back and closing the menu. Techno’s hand had gone back to his hip, his finger that held the hotspot for his crossbow in position to pull it out at a moment’s notice. Wilbur probably didn’t have anything more than a sword, but his hands were in his pockets, which meant he had something at the ready, at the very least. Tommy’s hand was clutching the first five charms of his necklace, sword and armor, fully prepared to pull them off if need be.

“...What the  _ fuck _ was that,” Allison blurted rather bluntly.

“M...My inventory?” Tubbo was curled in on himself a little bit, fingers flexing for a sword that wasn’t there. “Why d’you ask?”

“Y’know, I’m kinda gettin’ the vibes that we  _ might _ not be on the server anymore,” Techno cut in, staring everyone down with a dangerous glint in his eyes, “So we should probably go somewhere private to talk this out. Our boarding for the night sounds like it fits that criteria.” He turned his gaze onto Allison at that. It was clearly a threat. Just in case that wasn’t enough, he shifted a bit, sword shining in the sunlight before it disappeared back beneath his cloak.

“...That works just fine with me,” Allison replied after a moment’s deliberation, eyes hardening. Tommy bristled at the sight. She was going to try something, he could already tell- but try  _ what  _ was the question.

Luther was able to cast away the appearance of "lost giant puppy" extremely well. His shoulders snapped up to bring him out of a slouch to his full height, letting him loom over Techno with ease. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't threaten my sister with a sword," He rumbled, voice low. Techno, thoroughly unamused, just raised an eyebrow and flicked his finger that held his hotspot ring for a stack of potatoes. Once one had appeared in his hand, he promptly began to munch on it, still staring down the giant man. "Cool. Still gonna do it if I gotta."

"Tech, man, c'mon, she didn't really do anything... I'd appreciate at least being able to set our fucking spawn before we have to get involved in any fights." Wilbur muttered. His fingers were massaging the bridge of his nose.

The little mousy girl from before- (Vanya, Tommy's mind supplied)- was the one to finally settle things for the moment. She took a deep breath, shook out her hands, and said, voice above all of theirs despite its slight shake, "Let's just take them to a hotel, guys. This is probably just some weird, giant misunderstanding, no need for threats from either parties." She turned to her siblings, continuing a little bit softer, "Did you ever even consider that, maybe, they're like us?"

That brought them pause. Tommy didn't know what the fuck it meant, but it got everyone to simmer down, so he appreciated it nonetheless.

//

It was dark out by the time they finally trudged into a place to stay. Tommy hadn't bothered to read whatever the name of the place was (even though he knew he should have), but it was relatively well furnished- Muted red and black carpet covered the main foyer, with potted plants in front of the pillars, said pillars having fancy little two-arm lamps attached to each one, curtains drawn over the windows scattered across the walls to help keep it nice and dim for adjusting eyes from the outside.

Allison asked them if they had money. When Wilbur asked to know what the object of currency was, she gave him a look that Tommy couldn't really identify. Judgement? Displeasure? Flat-out confusion? After he said it, though, she sighed through her nose and said she would take care of renting out a room, though the four of them- Techno, Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo- would all have to share it. None of them minded that arrangement, so Wilbur just shrugged and nodded his assent.

"Y'think she's gonna have us share a bed?" Tubbo whispered to Tommy, who shrugged and let his head fall back against the pillar he was leaning against, closing his eyes and exhaling softly.

"Honestly, at this point, I wouldn't even care. I just wanna sleep for the next three years. Too much thinking for one day."

"Hurt your little brain, did we?" Tubbo teased, reaching up and tapping his knuckles on Tommy's skull. His friend snorted, but didn't reply. He was so fucking tired. He'd be down to getting stabbed just to catch a few moments of rest at this point.

His relaxation in the quiet of the lobby was very short-lived. It wasn't long before Wilbur and Techno joined them, Wilbur dangling a set of keys on his fingers, to let them know they had a room. Two beds and a pull-out couch were what they had to settle with. They didn't have to speak to know how their arrangements were going to end up- Tommy and Tubbo to one bed, Wilbur to the other, and Techno taking the couch. No matter how much they had tried to protest the arrangement at some point or another, that was how it always turned out. Techno would insist on taking the couch so everyone else could have a bed, Wilbur would argue that Techno deserved a break and should take the bed instead of him, and Tommy and Tubbo would watch it all go down from where they had plopped down next to each other.

They all trudged over to the stairs, where Allison and Vanya were waiting for them. Luther had been sent home after a whispered arguement between the three siblings. Something about his negotiation tactics being shit, or whatever. 

"We're going to be staying the night here too," Vanya said with a weary smile when they were close enough, prompting them all the begin their climb up to the second floor, where their room was supposed to be, "It's too late for us to want to walk back, and we're already here, so..."

"Reasonable," Wilbur replied, shoving his hands in his coat pockets once again, "Is mob spawning on here?" It was an easy enough question, but the way in which Vanya's smile wavered and Allison's brows furrowed even more was the only semblance of an answer he got.

"...Will you guys be awake enough to try and tell us what you mean by all that, or...?" Allison trailed off, pointing at something just to the right of Tommy. It took him a moment to realize she was gesturing to Tubbo, who had his head burried in Tommy's shoulder, eyes closed as he tried his best not to fall asleep. Tommy answered for him. "Yeah, Tubbo can stay awake if he needs to. We all can. It'd be a hell of a lot better if we could actually get at least an hour or two of sleep, though. Answer questions better or whatever."

"We're not going to run off, if that's what you're worried about," Wilbur joined in as they turned the corner on the stairwell onto their floor, boots clunking against the metal platform, "We want just as many answers about where we are and what the hell's going on as you do. It wouldn't be beneficial for us to take off from the first people who offered us even a tiny bit of help."

"I kinda wanna get some sleep before we interrogate a bunch of strangers, too," Vanya piped in, flashing Tommy a surprisingly conspiritory smile when Allison closed her eyes to sigh.

There was no more room for talking about it as they pushed open the door and all filed into the hallway. As soon as Techno, who was taking up the rear, stepped onto the carpet, they let the door close and filed away to their seperate rooms, with the two sisters right across the hall from everyone else.

"Thank God," Techno breathed as soon as the door to their room clicked locked, "I haven't slept in like three days."

"You probably should take the bed, in that case," Wilbur sang from where he was slinging his coat off onto a hook in the wall. 

"You know what, Will? I might just take you up on that offer." Techno tried to play it cool, but the glance he sent the bed said loud and clear to everyone in the room that he very much wanted to sleep in it. (Except for Tubbo, who was practically dead on his feet, still leaning on Tommy, who was stumbling over to the bed.)

"Have at it, man." Wilbur waved his arm at the bed with an amused expression. Techno wasted no time in unclasping his heavy coat and tossing it at the foot of the bed, his sword following immediately after. "While you guys get some sleep, I think I'm gonna check and see if there's a shower and shit. I think we're all gonna need one before too long."

Tommy almost debated getting up and calling dibs on a shower first, but Tubbo grumbled in his sleep, grabbed him by the waist, and pulled him back down as soon as he tried to get up, so he resigned himself to his fate of "giant dirty teddy bear" and flopped down beside his best friend. "Well, I'm trapped, so g'night in advance, Will," He muttered with a half-hearted salute. Wilbur chuckled and did it back, albeit with a lot more grace. Typical Wilbur.

**Author's Note:**

> (grabby hands) commente????s??? /?? coments??? cometnsts???/,??? 
> 
> i wish i knew how to post on anon lmao


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